My heart is crushed...soul is defeated....

I guess even the most promising charts don't mean a thing....and as for the infamous 'implantation dip'... I do believe it's not a well proven theory...because I had what looked to be THE CLASSIC implantation dip....and as far as yesterday and today's tests go....BIG FAT NOTHING!  Temp did go down this morning....Yet...still no AF.... guess my body likes to continue playing it's cruel trick on me...for every time I check and no sign of red, I stupidly hold on to hope that maybe this is a repeat of when I was preggo with Kensie and couldn't get an hpt to read positive until I was almost 8 weeks preggo.   Been trying to hold it together...yet everything and anything  causes tears to well up...  My soul truly feels defeated...I feel defective...I feel unworthy.  How the heck can God bless that bastard Jon with another child and yet not Art???