Pretty sure......

my body LOVES to mess with me... LOL    cd 18....10 more days or so until AF should appear.... and I'm irritable and cramping as if AF was about to show up.  Seriously....what the heck!  Makes me wanna scream because it's all so frustrating and confusing sometimes. I'm basically a little past midcycle......seems like ovulation was super freaking early..... like cd8 or 9....  Ugh...just ready for this cycle to end so we can start anew in October.....

AIN'T THAT A KICK IN THE PANTS......

Well....Jon is gonna be a daddy.....new wife is due in a few months..... Hard to understand why God would bless him....after all the literal HELL he put me, the girls and my family through...the emotional, physical, mental abuse...ad nauseum... and yet God choose to not bless us..... ahhhhhh the things that make you go HMMMMMMMMM.

Day 2 on the meds.....

Not sure if it's the metformin or the sythroid but something has taken away a good chunk of my appetite. Don't get me wrong...I'm happy about it...just wondering which medicine is doing. LOL    Now for the not so happy... hair loss has been bothering me for some time now...and it was one of the symptoms I've been experiencing that pushed me to find a new doctor, etc... and now I am reading that the either or both of these meds can cause hair loss.... Ugh... my hair used to be so unbelieveably thick...no scalp was ever really visible.... and now it's getting thinner and thinner.  Thought about using women's rogaine...but I'm reading it is in the class c group meaning it's unsure if it is safe during pregnancy...and some reviews I've read say that it has been linked to stillbirths...so that is ONE risk I don't want to take... but =[ not liking the hair loss part...especially if the meds make it WORSE!  =[

Today's doctor visit....

Appointment went well....Dr. Wilfong was very pleasant and likeable. She said that overall my labs came back normal. I will post my results at the end of this so that those FF and DW friends of mine who've been there/done that...and anyone else knowledgeable for that matter...who has personal experience can see them and let me know if there is anything I should question.  Dr. did advise that my TSH, although within the 'acceptable' range, wasn't where she would like to see it so she rx'd synthroid (??)... 50 mcg.  She said she sees nothing that indiciates any other problems. Said it most likely is the PCOS and IR interfering with getting/maintaining PG. So the plan of action is: 50mcg of synthroid, 2000mg of metformin and then not this month but next month 50mg of clomid.  She didn't want to start me on clomid this cycle so that the metformin and synthroid have a chance to build up in my system.  Art is to go for his semenanalysis. Which, of course, he's been putting off...but I told him just now...if he's serious about this then he needs to get  checked...if nothing else to rule it out.  And if he's not serious, to tell me so that I can stop worrying about all this crap and just be happy with the two girls.  He immediately said "I will do it!"  LOL    Ok.... anyways.... lab results... now keep in mind (if it matters) I am due to start AF on Sunday....so the blood was drawn on around cd18ish.... in between midcycle and luteal phase the doc said.

Estradiol 82
FSH 4.6
LH 11.4
Prolactin 9.7
TSH 2.9

and there is a ton of results under the 'general health panel'...all of which are within range it says.

So once I start clomid in October....day 21 I have to get a blood draw to check my progesterone. Doc said she'd call me and let me know results and then we'd go from there.

Ok...I just finished with Biology class and have History class tonight...but I'd love any input, etc.   Doc did say that sometimes just the metformin and thyroid meds do the trick..so who knows. OH! Doc did say to count the first day of ANY bleeding at all as CD1...which goes against so much of what I've read and heard...but it IS what my other doctor said too...  So...although I disagree....she's the specialist so I guess I will listen. And if that is the case...then that would mean our timing has been off most months!  Anyways....if the stupid spotting would just go away, confusion would go away too! LOL   Don't have it every month so maybe it will stay away once meds kick in!   Sooooooo here we go~~~~ =]

0 weeks and craving...........

A BABY!!!!  LOL   The recent viral posting of yet another mediocre attempt to recreate the first breast cancer awareness game left me irritated and annoyed.  Maybe it struck me as callous to those couples out there TTC (trying to conceive)....maybe I'm just over-sensitive to the issue.... but seeing the "I'm blah blah weeks and craving blah blah" was just annoying.  Reading all those posts was like having a knife stab me in the eye....and there was NO way I was going to play along.  Just the mere chance of jinxing my getting pregnant was enough to keep me from playing. No way No how.  In addition, it was just stupid. LOL  I mean...to each their own...and I respect that.... but some of these 'games' or chain posts are just ridiculous.   Ok...vent over ;o]

Two more days......

Two more days until back to the doctor. Nervous...anxious....excited....scared.   Been thinking alot this past weekend about the possible risk of abnormalities since I'm over 35.... Chance of Down's Syndrome and other chromosomal deficits are way higher after 35.  Also....ugh...do we really want to pass epilepsy down to the baby.  Although all doctors/scientists are not in 100% agreement that epilepsy is hereditary...it's still a chance we take.  This has bothered Art for a long time...he's always beating himself up...asking why he has to have it.... asking why he has it but his brother doesn't...since they are twins.  I have no explanation. The doctors that I have asked...and even my biology teacher...seems to feel that either both Art and his brother have it and it just hasn't showed itself to Art's brother....or that the guys aren't monozygotic twins (one egg)...and that they are dizygotic twins (two separate eggs) aka fraternal.   Contrary to popular belief....fraternal twins can look identical...there have been many documented cases of such.   Only way to know for sure is some type of special blood test. Regardless.... it's been weighing on my mind,. Making me wonder what if our own selfish desire to have a baby results in bringing into the world a baby that will be sick...or that won't be able to live a happy, normal life. =[

Sometimes the internet is NOT your friend......

Seems very easy to become overwhelmed with the plethora of information on the Internet...some of it at times contradictory to what I've just read elsewhere.  "Do this...don't do that...eat this...don't eat that...low carbs...no carbs....focus of protein....no...focus on healthy good carbs....caffeine is  bad....caffeine is ok.... artificial sweeteners are the devil.... a lil artificial sweeteners won't hurt..... Metformin is horrid....Metformin is a life saver. Clomid is a wonder drug....noooo Clomid is a joke... ugh! What the heck people!!!!  I realize many of these sites, books, magazine articles, etc... have a selfish reason behind their 'findings' and 'suggestions'...to pad their wallet...so I guess the best thing to do is follow the American Diabetes Association's recommendations as well as the Insulin Resistance Diet.  Cut back on my carbs....eliminate white bread, tortillas ( boo hoo), sugar, etc... basically just cut the junk out...which I know I can do.  What has me in a tizzy is my caffeine addiction.... oh how I wish I liked coffee. However I don't.  Diet DP is the monkey on my back. But I gotta get it down to just one in the morning. I need to find another means to kick start me in the morning. Gotta get back to walking/running...it always gave me tons of energy.  

I am hoping the doctor starts me on both meds on Thursday.... I don't have time to try this for x amount of months and then try that for another x amount of months.   I ask everyone to please pray....please send me all positive thoughts.... I so desperately want this....not just for me....and probably not predominately for me...but more so for Art... he is such a loving, caring, nurturing soul and deserves to be a daddy.

Beginning of the journey...or is it insanity....LOL

Sooooooo today I put my fear behind me and finally went to see a new doctor in regard to TTC (trying to conceive) and our inability to do so successfully.  Despite the negative feedback I had heard/read of this new doctor, she was thorough and very attentive...thankfully.  She did state what I already know...time is not my friend right now...the window of time is closing for me. Positive note, however, is the test that determines the adequacy of a woman's ovary reserve indicates that my ovaries are producing adequate amounts of eggs. =]   Dr. firmly believes that PCOS and IR  (insulin resistance) is completely messing up my hormones which in turn obliterates fertility.  So today she did the wonderful 'annual' exam and blood was drawn. I go back Thursday morning to review the results and get address the medicines she feels I need to be on.  The two mentioned were Metformin for the IR and Clomid to help stimulate ovulation.  Yes I am aware that Clomid has a reputation for producing multiples... LOL She was furious when I told her about my GP stating that since I was having a monthly 'period' that I was most DEFINITELY ovulating. I had read in the past and known girls/had friends who experienced the exact opposite. You can most definitely NOT ovulate even if you have a monthly bleed.... or sometimes you are just not ovulating strong...such as the case with PCOS.  So here we go. I wish I wouldn't have wasted so much time going to my normal GP...I wish I wouldn't have wasted so much time just 'waiting and seeing what happens' as my GP advised. I am thankful this new doctor seems very proactive and I am very hopeful. Time is a-wasting....I will deeply appreciate all prayers and positive thoughts sent our way.  We so desperately want a baby and we pray that the good Lord will bless us with one.  If you so choose to follow my blog...please be forewarned...I may vent or rant or cry or just ramble on.  Those closest to me know I love to ramble on and on and on! LOL   If anything like that may irritate you, please don't follow.  This blog is for friends and family who want to follow our journey and who will  be supportive and comforting...encouraging and soothing... as the case may ever be.   <3