nose dive

Temperature took a substantial nose dive this morning.....guess can count myself out this month.  Not surprised though....pretty discouraged.

blaaaaaaaaaah

Cd21.....went to doc for my blood draw so that she can check progesterone level....fingers crossed....holding my breath till Friday when get results.  im in the dreaded one week wait till AF is due.... as always I'm sure she'll show her ugly face.  So very, very discouraged.  Actually had someone tell me yesterday that the reason why we haven't become preggo is because God is punishing us..... Wow ok so guess all the crack whores, hookers, promiscuous teens, cheating wives, etc that fall pregnant  are being blessed because they have  led such pristine lives????  stupidity amazes me!

Haven't blogged in a while....

Well....finished my first round of clomid on cd7 and man it was NOT fun. When the dr. warned of  "bloating and mood swings" she was NOT kidding!!!!!!  Mood swings is an understatement....it's more like an emotional earthquake!!! lol   Anyways.....so after taking the medicine and timed baby dancing....now I am on cd17...so in the midst of the dreaded two week wait. Guess time will tell. I don't think the wait will end with a BFP on the HPT....but who knows...  Tuesday I go in for a blood draw for the dr. to check my progesterone level...to make sure 1. I'm ovulating and 2. if I'm ovulating strong enough.  If so, yay. If not...then the dosage of clomid will be increased and man I don't even wanna think about the side effects of an even stronger doseage!

Trying to hold it all together....another friend is preggo...and while I am SUPER happy for her it just makes a part of me so envious.  Then I have the regular bombardment of "when are y'all gonna pop one out" or "why haven't y'all had a baby yet"?????  Most days I just smile and say it's all up to God if we have a baby...but some days I just want to stab the person in the eye with a pencil.... lol   Mean..yeah I know...but come on people....it may be super easy for some out there...but for others it is a heartwrenching, emotionally trying, at times devastating effort that doesn't always end with the big 'pay off'.  I just wish people took the time to learn to be more sensitive to others when they do not know the situation.  Fertility issues affect millions of couples out there...30% is female related...30% is male related and 40% is just flat out unknown as to why...

well here we go....day 1 of Clomid...

Just took my first dose of Clomid.....so all aboard the fertility treatment train! lol  I am praying that the side effects are not as bad as have been reading....horrid bloating and hot flashes not to mention emotional craziness. lol Well guess here goes everything!

The dreaded 1ww (1 week wait)

CD23..... nearing the finish line of this cycle....ugly witch "Aunt Flo" is expected to rear her ugly face on Saturday. This 1 week wait is gonna be the death of me. Every month I tell myself to NOT obsess...NOT read anything into any twinges or 'signs' that I may actually be feeling or that may actually just be psychosomatic....but actually resisting is hard to do.  I am sure the witch is on the verge of showing up....I'm cranky and irritable...  Oh how I long for the days of when it was so easy and JUST happened..like with M & M.   This cramping for over a week though is annoying...and for the birds....and nothing I read online gives me any answers as to why I'd be cramping 2 weeks away from AF.... ( I ovulated on cd9....which is super early for me...but OPK said that's when I ovulated...so the cramping isn't O pains...) besides O pains don't last 1.5 weeks! lol    Anyhoo..... wish this week would just fly by.