"always the bridesmaid...never the bride".....

Well in my case it's always the preggo's friend never the preggo. Ugh just about sums it up as the ugly witch lurks heartlessly right around the corner. I stupidly had high hopes for this cycle. Timed intercourse couldn't have been any better! The weeks following ovulation felt different and led me to regrettable hope. Just goes to prove none of the bodily signs mean thing. Raised temps for 10 consecutive days don't mean a thing. Perfectly timed intercourse don't mean a thing. Increased cervical fluid doesn't mean a thing. Weird pinches and heaviness in the location of the uterus doesn't mean a thing. Tiredness moreso than normal, stuffy nose, bleeding gums...all don't mean a thing. Dreams of being preggo in addition to my extremely vivid dreams don't mean a thing. None of it means a damn thing! Except yet another failure....another disappointment and more hurt on Arts face when I have to tell him. Whether it's his fertility issues or my damn PCOS causing the issue I have no idea. What I do know is this blows. Adoption is out of the question and IVF is too I am sure. Cost of them both are astronomical. Not sure what course is next. I think I've cried enough tears behind closed doors to fill Lake Travis back up...at least that's how it feels. Having to stifle it all and go about life as if all is perfect is definitely challenging at times. I am so thankful for what I do have...don't get me wrong. I cherish my family and those dear amazing friends who are always there for me no matter what....always have a supportive or loving word. My mom and family, my mom and dad in law, Merry and Donald...they all make my world complete and are always there for us. I am grateful for my being able to go back to school. My family and school are what keeps me together and brings such joy to my heart. All of this does bring comfort to me yet still can't resolve the longing and emptiness we feel.

(I apologize if there are any typos....typing this on my iPhone....lol).

To those who are always there with a warm caring thought....Mom...Deb...Sarah...Liz...Cher...and others - I live y'all and it means so much to have such caring people around us. Xoxoxo